Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
