I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
