What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
