mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
