can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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