we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
