I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
