my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
