Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
