Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
