If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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