meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
