I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My breasts were aching with rage.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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