i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
