I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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