I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
