I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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