508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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