you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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