They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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