But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
