Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
