when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
