just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
