Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My balls are so social today.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
