I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
