I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
