mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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