Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
