he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
