Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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