Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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