The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
