Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
