Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
