You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
