Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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