The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
