they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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