Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
