watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
