My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
