Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
