Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
