we have officially lost it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
