I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The best revenge is premature balding
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
