Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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