Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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