obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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