Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
