So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
